The Hidden Alcove

A good friend

2012-01-21T11:57:00.001+04:00

I'm not a good friend. I love you. A lot. A little too much, maybe. And I want you to always be happy. If you're happy, I'm happy. Regardless of what's up with my life. But that doesn't make me a good friend. I want your happiness for me. Not for you.

Innocent

2011-12-23T20:10:00.001+04:00

I'm tired of the word innocent. What does it mean? "Are you really as innocent as you look?" "I refuse to believe anyone can be that innocent." "Nahi yar, you have a very innocent smile." The exact definition according to Dictionary.com:

in·no·cent
[in-uh-suhnt]
- adjective
1. without sin; pure
2. not guilty
3. not involving evil intent
4. not causing injury; harmless
5. devoid (usually fol. by of)
6. guileless; naive
- noun
7. innocent person
8. young child
9. naive person

So exactly what context are you speaking in? Exactly, how does it apply to me?

Pain

2011-11-17T21:59:00.001+04:00

They say the worst kind of pain you could ever feel is, loving someone who doesn't love you back. Sadly, a lot of us have felt that at some point in our lives. Whether it actually was love, or an infatuation, or just a crush, you do feel that pinch at unreciprocated feelings. And it's agonizing. Tears you apart. Makes you feel not-good-enough.

But a MUCH worse feeling, is watching someone close to you suffering. Watching them suffering and knowing that no matter what you do, you can't make them feel better. That you are, in fact, incapable of providing them with any sort of relief. That while you may be standing right there, you are as good as invisible.

Love

2011-11-02T22:26:00.001+04:00

I can tell you exactly when it happened. I remember the day clearly, it was an early winter morning. Not exactly a beautiful day, considering we were sitting our A-Level exams.

It was a day looming with scary prospects. As we all sat down, exam papers in front of us, blank expressions on our faces, the invigilator walked past with a steaming mug of coffee, and it was love at first whiff. I had found my heaven. And I've been faithful ever since.

Some more things to do in an elevator

2010-08-31T21:52:00.000+04:00

This is a follow-up to this post.

1. While going down in an elevator scream, "AAAAGGGGHHHH !!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason.

2.when the doors close after someone gets off whisper 'i love you' then blow kisses

3. At the highest floor, keep the door open, explaining that you've dropped a penny down the shaft, and you refuse to close the door, unless you hear it go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Press the emergency button while in between floors, and say your imaginary friend did it, then start screaming there's an emergency.

5. Standing in a corner of the elevator, with your face to the wall, moving left or right and quickly back and forth in front of you (around the pevic area), making grunting noises.

6. Make sure you're making out with your lover when the door opens, then say, "Oops, how careless. You want in?"

7. Pretend you have to pee and hop around the elevator with one hand between your pants.

8. When you leave the elevator yell "Damn thing keeps shaking!"

9. Pretend to pick your nose in front of everybody and then press all the buttons.

10. Take pictures of people and tell them its for a new porn magazine.

11. Play fast-draw-pistol cowboy with your hands and shoot at the people.

12. Press door close when someones walking in.

13. Put post its on each elevator reading "OUT OF ORDER" and put a post it on the door to the stairs reading "WET PAINT"

14. Wait until the elevator gets really crowded. Then make your hand into a gun shape, hold it up in front of you and start singing or humming the"Mission Impossible Theme".

15. Face the opposite direction when the doors open. Then get angry and say they are broken.

16. Bring one of those gigantic boom boxes and start free style rapping and challenge everyone who gets on to a rap battle.

17. Take out a bag filled with crushed up leafs and try to sell them "the good stuff".

18. Take your shoes off and put them in a corner. Put your kneecaps in the holes of the shoes, so your legs are balanced against the wall (but behind you, so you look really tiny.) Have a person come in, ask them for the top floor, and comment on how nice their ankles look.

19. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
stand in the back when it is really crowded then groan and say "damn motion sickness"
When you get to your floor attempt to pull open the doors, then act embarrassed when they open on their own.

20. Announce your plans to commit suicide to everyone that walks in to the elevator and how you want to take down as many people as you can before you do it.

21. When somebody pushes a button, say in a little voice "don't touch me there!"

P.S: Again, I found these on a FB group. They're not mine.

Hazardous Material

2010-08-12T14:56:00.002+04:00

Hahah! :p

Faith and friendship

2010-08-01T14:42:00.000+04:00

It's strange. Today is Friendship Day, and I have something along those lines to share with you. Except it isn't exactly a happy friendship story. It wasn't planned. But meh, it just happened. Before I launch into the story, Happy Friendship Day. Not that there should ever just be A day to celebrate friendship, love or any relation. But it IS a nice excuse to remember your friends. :)

It's funny how friendship is built over years, over mutual trust or maybe over mutual misunderstanding or impure motives. Not every friendship is pure. It shouldn't even be called friendship, but it IS. And sometimes, we stay friends for years and years. Before one of the people involved realize that it's all a scam.

Religion is something that is very precious to everyone. Every individual's belief is important to him. Very important, and it's important we realize that. The saddest thing I've seen is friendship breaking over which sect you belong to. Why can't we be more tolerant of each other's beliefs? The bottom line is we're all muslims. And us mocking at another's beliefs doesn't make us any better.

How does a person pretend to be your friend for years and years and then go behind your back and defile your religion, your beliefs. And go around bad mouthing you. I wish people would stop dragging religion into everything. God's not going to be happy if you go around making people around you unhappy. The two most pure and beautiful things, your faith and friendship, and we go around tainting them both.

The most important thing to remember is, to be a good muslim you need to be a good human being first, and we just plainly forget that. I guess this has turned more into a religious based post than a friendship based post. :p

P.S: So my blog turned two years old a couple of days back and I forgot. Me. 'I' forgot. THAT btw IS a very big deal. I don't forget things much. Definitely losing it. :o

A ticklish story

2010-07-24T19:37:00.001+04:00

Story time! I've noticed that even when I HAVE been blogging, I haven't shared stories with you guys in ages. At first, I thought twitter was the culprit. I though too much tweeting was killing blogging, but I see that something's killing tweeting too. :s So, it's like mass murder going on here. :o And I have gone grossly off topic. :p

So, getting back to the story. I was at the parlour the other day, getting a clean-up. Yes, we girls do such things, but waise, even guys these days do such things! And again, I'm veering off-topic here. So there I was, and the beautician was obviously putting stuff on my face and neck and rubbing it in circular motions. And, the minute she'd touch my neck, I'd start feeling ticklish. :p And within 10 seconds I'd burst out laughing. :p And you'd hear her screaming, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" And me, trying to placate her, "I'm sorry, but it tickles." "HAVEN'T YOU EVER DONE THIS BEFORE!" "Hahahahaha! I have, hahahahaha!" :p

Roots

2010-07-16T15:48:00.001+04:00

So, I've been reading Roots by Alex Haley, the last few days. I actually decided to start reading it, because it was the most old and boring look book of the lot. Plus, I had a feeling that if I read the new shiny books, I wouldn't feel like reading a classic. I'm only halfway through yet, but, it's a beautiful, beautiful novel. Heart-wrenchingly beautiful. There are moments in the book when you feel like your heart's being ripped out.

Alone, in the nights, though, he was so lonely and depressed, spending hours staring up into the darkness, that he felt as if he were falling in upon himself. It was like a sickness spreading within him. He was amazed and ashamed to realize that he felt the need for love.

Every human being, is hungry for love. More than food, more than anything. We're all hungry for love. No matter who we are, we're all, every single one of us, hungry for love.

Music and Lyrics

2010-07-13T15:54:00.000+04:00

"A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex. But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the two that makes it magical."

You Had Me From Hello

2010-06-13T21:02:00.004+04:00

At the mirror you fix your hair and put your makeup on
You're insecure about what clothes to wear
I can't see nothing wrong

To me you look so beautiful when you can't make up your mind
It's half past eight, it's getting late
It's OK, take your time

Standing here my hands in my pockets
Like I have a thousand times
Thinking back it took one breath
One word to change my life

[Chorus:]
The first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

When we walk into a crowded room it's like we're all alone
Everybody tries to kidnap your attention
You just smile and steal the show

You come to me and take my hand
We start dancin' slow
You put your lips up to my ear and whisper way down low

[Chorus:]
From the first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

And when you're laying down beside me
I feel your heartbeat to remind me...

[Chorus:]
The first time I saw you it felt like coming home
If I never told you I just want you to know
You had me from hello

From hello
From hello

Every time I hear this song, all I can think about is.. I want this!!! I want someone who would find my flaws beautiful, who would find my stupid moments cute! (Yes, I know, too much to ask for! But no harm in dreaming eh. :p)

Fate...

2010-06-11T18:41:00.001+04:00

So, I've been wondering lately, how much of a hand does fate play in our lives? I mean, there's a certain decision I've been giving a lot of though to and I'm not sure if I should be. It's actually pretty straightforward and I know what I want to do, but it's the ripple effect that MAY be caused that worries me. The effects I'm worried about may come to light whatever I do. But this may speed it up and I don't want that.

But then I was thinking if it's a part of my fate no matter what I do or don't do, it will come to pass. So, maybe I'm thinking about this too much?

Funny moments

2010-06-04T17:12:00.002+04:00

E (after holding my hand): Don't get married until you put on some weight!
Me: Huh?
E: When he takes your hand, he won't find anything to hold. He won't even be able to make you a proper ring.
.....

LOL! :p

Ranjish hi sahi

2010-05-30T20:57:00.000+04:00

Ranjish Hi Sahi Dil Hi Dukhanay Kay Liye Aa

Aa Phir Say Mujhay Chor Kay Jaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Pehlay Say Marasim Na Sahi Phir Bhi Kabhi To
Rasm-e-Rah-e-Duniya Hi Nibhaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Ab Tak Dil-e-Khush Feham Ko Tujh Say Hain Umeedain
Yeh Aakhri Shamain Bhi Bujhanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Kis Kis Ko Batayen Gay Judai Ka Sabab Hum
Tu Mujhsay Khafa Hai To Zamaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Ek Umar Say Hoon Lazzat-e-Girya Say Bhi Mehroom
Ay Raahat-e-Jaa’n Mujhko Rulaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Kuch To Meray Pindar-e- Mohabbat Ka Bharam Rakh
Tu Bhi To Kabhi Mujhko Manaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Maana Kay Mohabbat Ka Chupaana Hai Mohabbat
Chup Kay Say Kisi Roz Jataanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Jesay Tumhain Aatay Hain Na Aanay Kay Bahaanay
Aisay Hi Kisi Roz Na Jaanay Kay Liye Aa
Ranjish Hi Sahi…

Tall, taller, tallest!

2010-05-25T21:37:00.001+04:00

So, I come from family of tall men. Or, so I thought before I started working anyways. All my mamoos are at least 6 ft tall, and so are my cousins. Even my brother's nearly 6ft tall. And I'm not short, I've never felt short standing in front of any of these people. But again, that was before I started working. The director is at least 6'4"! :o And not only that, he's huge!! :o He's pretty intimidating actually. The day I know I have to visit his office, I make sure I'm wearing heels. :P In fact, quite a few of them are huge! In front of these people, I feel like a dwarf! :o :P

Now, all my tall relatives and friends don't seem all that tall anymore. My definition of tall has gotten revised. :P

Letter to you

2010-05-17T18:38:00.002+04:00

Dear you,

Some days, I want to blame everything on you. I want to blame you for who I've become. I want to say it's all your fault. But… it's NOT! They were all my decisions, every one of them. They were all MY choices. It doesn't matter if I based my decisions on what you wanted, that was my decision too. It doesn't matter what means you used to affect my decision. You're gone. You're gone, and the only person who has to live with my decisions is me. You're gone and all you've left behind is a deep scar. And.. you didn't even get scratched in the process. You need to teach me that trick. Oh.. but you're gone.

The fact that it's all my doing, that I'm solely responsible. That makes this so much harder.

I wonder if it even matters to you what I did? I think it would be easier to accept, if only I knew it mattered. Even if just a little. Wait, don't answer that! To the heart and mind ignorance is kind. I just have one thing to tell you, all my promises are intact. Every. One. Of. Them.

Me.

Today in history

2010-04-21T20:42:00.001+04:00

36 years ago today, dad set off from his home to come to Dubai. He was telling us, and somehow it set me thinking. That one decision of his changed all our lives. I'm sure at that time he never thought it would be such a life altering decision.

We make decisions all the time. God knows which decision might change the course of our life. It's slightly unnerving.

Visual treat

2010-04-02T16:57:00.019+04:00

I've never seen so many beautiful pictures. I got this in an email and I just HAD to share it with you all. ENJOY this visual treat! :)

Windmills in Holland

Tundra

The Purple Romance

The beauty of Antarctica

Saltzburg, Austria- The most beautiful city we have ever seen

The Eiffel Tower at night

The star and moon on earth

Mirror Lake

Lavender Farm and Tree

Lavender Farm

Neuschwannstein, King Ludwig's Castle in Bavaria , Germany

Golden Maple Leaf

The edge of a glacier

Earthbound Rainbow

Disney Castle

Deep Autumn

Comet

Cherry Blossoms, Japan

Breithorn Peak (Switzerland)

Blue Sea

Beauty of Tibet

Autumn in Germany

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! :D

Of hair and shampoos

2010-03-24T22:20:00.000+04:00

Picking out a shampoo is no mean feat. Especially, if you're as obsessed with your hair smelling good as I am. Ah well, I admit it, I'm just generally obsessed with my hair. Okay okay, not just my hair, I'm obsessed with hair in general. :p Is it any wonder that I find Derek Shepherd so dreamy then? :p

Coming back to the point of the post, choosing a shampoo is VERY difficult. Either the shampoo works well, but doesn't smell good. Or, it works well, smells good but doesn't have a conditioner by the same brand therefore the scent gets all messed up. Then there are shampoos that work well, smell good and have conditioners that work well too. But the scent isn't lasting. :s See, what I mean?

So I thought to go look for fancy shampoos, but that isn't easy either! :s I went to The Body Shop to look and they had an amazing smelling shampoo but no conditioner. So, does anyone know some awesome smelling shampoos and conditioners?

No-sense

2010-03-19T13:57:00.001+04:00

So, been a month since I updated my blog. I don't feel like blogging, don't even feel like tweeting nowadays. Yes, I go on twitter, but it's more for having conversations with people there. I haven't even written in my little diary in ages. Yesterday, after aaaages I felt like writing, I had words in my head. There was something I wanted to write, a picture I wanted to paint with my words. They're lost now. The words are lost. The picture I wanted to paint is now just a snapshot at the back of my mind.

You know what's scary, that I don't want to talk about anything to anyone. I don't know what to say, how to say or WHY to say. I wonder when I got so complicated *sigh*

Lately, the days have been like a whirlwind. Whirlwind of activity, whirlwind of emotions. I don't know what's going on around me. The days are mundane, nothing special or out of the ordinary, yet there's a certain… air. An air of… hope?

At the same time, there's an impending sense of doom. It's like I can see the stone walls crumbling, falling. But it's all working in slow motion. And the minute I get comfortable, the stones pick up speed. Everything goes crazy, it's like a stonestorm.

Do I make any sense at all?

Blah blah blah

2010-02-20T14:39:00.005+04:00

It's funny how everything in my house is falling apart one by one. Funny, but also slightly unnerving.

Our computer table has been broken for a long time now. Oh wait, it's actually beyond broken. If we try to move it to clean the area behind, half of it actually seems to come off from the other half. But then, the desktop is also beyond repair, so the two of them are actually very good for each other. :p

The sofa bed is broken too, and VERY uncomfortable to sleep on. When you open it up, the mattress is actually in three different pieces. You have to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. :p

The fridge needs to be switched off and defrosted every two days because it stops cooling. So every two days we make sure there's nothing left to eat in the fridge, turn it off, then switch it on half a day later. It was fun in the beginning, now it's just annoying.

The oven area of our stove doesn't work anymore. So, I can't make my famous chicken anymore. (Yes, it's famous because it's one of the VERY few things I actually know how to make :p)

My parents' bed is broken, if you sit on it too hard, it falls apart and has to be put together again. So, every time I'm too happy and fall on the bed with excitement, it has to be put together again. :p

And two days ago, the TV stopped working. There's no video, only audio, which I can assure you is no fun at all. :p Though, now watching MTV is no problem at all. :p

Sixty five

2010-02-19T22:26:00.009+04:00

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...you know the rules. tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you!) to learn more about people. Also, try to tag people who you've tagged in other notes, sometimes you learn things in new notes that you didn't know before about them.......

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Err.. actually the first thing I do is just stand under the shower getting wet for a few minutes.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black and grey horizontal stripes.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Oh yes!!

4. Do you plan outfits?
Hmm, not for everyday. Not for work. But definitely for going out with friends or visiting somewhere. Then I can start planning weeks ahead. :P

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Quiet. Very very quiet. Can't think of anything to talk about.

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
Mama's mug.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Oh. Ah. It was a crazy dream. I dreamt of falling in love and getting married. :$ :P

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope. Unless you count a teddy bear. :P

9. What are you craving right now?
A hug. :$

10. Do you floss?
Nope.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage soup. Blekh! And my bro's face trying to eat it. Never ever having cabbage soup after watching him. :o

12. Are you emotional?
Oh yes. Too much. Much, too much actually. :P

13. Have you ever counted to 1000?
Nah, I'm not THAT jobless. :P

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Hmm. I guess I kinda lick it. You can't really appreciate it, if you're biting into it. Can't feel the flavour.

15. Do you like your hair?
Oh yes. According to me, they're my best feature.(Alhamdulillah)

16. Do you like yourself?
Err, depends. We all have our days, but generally yes. :)

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Not if my life depended on it!! :o

18. What are you listening to right now?
Split screen sadness- John Mayer.

19. Are your parents strict?
Oh my mom takes the word strict to another level.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I'd like to say yes, but I'm sure as hell I'd be so scared I wouldn't be able to. :P

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Never had it. Can't say.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Nahhh.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Not at all.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Light reflecting off water?

25. How many countries have you visited?
One. Pakistan.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Does calling up friends from a different number and pretending to be someone else for a bit count? :P

27. Ever been on a train?
Does metro count?

28. Brown or white eggs?
Never had brown eggs, so I'll go with white.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes, it was the first thing I bought with my own hard-earned cash. :P

30. Do you use chap stick?
Nah, not really. I use vaseline.

31. Do you own a gun?
No!!

32. Can you use chop sticks?
If you mean can I hold the sticks and get the food in my mouth in 10 attempts. Yes. :P

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
It's already night. :P And I'm at home. :P

34. Are you too forgiving?
Oh yea!! Give me an hour's distance and come say Hi to me, I'll have forgotten why I was mad at you. :s

35. Ever been in love?
Yes! Too many times, with too many things!

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Ooh. K will be sleeping in, enjoying weekend. F prolly has somewhere she has to take her mom or something. R will be trying to finish some assignment. Shabs will be busy with her sis-in-law.

37. Ever have a cream puff?
Err, nope. Don't think so, at least.

38. Last time you cried?
This morning actually. :o

39. What was the last question you asked?
'Is Notting Hill worth watching?'... nobody answered. :P

40. Favorite time of the year?
There's something I love about every time of the year. But I guess I'll have to say winter, with the rains and thunderstorms! :)

41. Do you have any tattoos?
Hah, no. I have had them though, those stick-on tattoos, or mehndi tattoos. LOVE putting them near my collar bone, I think it's really sexy with certain dresses. :P

42. Are you sarcastic?
I can be, but I don't think I'm all that sarcastic really. Or am I? You tell me?

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Haven't we all. :P

45. Favorite color?
I don't think I have a favorite color. But I love the combination of white and silver. There's something incredibly elegant about it.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Nah, really want to! :P

47. Is your hair curly?
Nope. Completely straight. No, not straight like out a hair iron straight, but still straight.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Err!!! I think it was Junoon Parvaaz back in '99!! :O

49. Do looks matter?
Yes, they do. But not as in how good looking a person is. But, as in how you present yourself.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
That's the one thing I could never forgive.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Hah, I use 25 Dhs card a month, or two months sometimes. :o

52. Do you like your life right now?
Not one little bit.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Do I look crazy to you?

54. Can you handle the truth?
Definitely prefer the truth to lying. ANY day.

55. Do you have good vision?
Good vision as in eye-sight? Oh no! Not at all. I can't even find my glasses without my glasses on. :P

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Meh, there's no one I really hate/dislike. It takes a lot to tick me off. And it doesn't last too long either.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Oh harrrddddlllyyy.

58. The last person you held hands with?
A friend. About two years back.

59. What are you wearing?
Jeans, and a black button-down top.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Horses!! They're majestic creatures!

61. Where was your profile picture taken at?
Depends on which profile pic you're talking about. :P FB is just some random pic I found on the web. Twitter and MSN was at home. Blogger at Outlet Mall.

62. Can you hula hoop?
I used to be able to, but I haven't in ages so I don't know. :P

63. Do you have a job?
Yep!

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A shela (scarf).

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Oh yes! We used to do that all the time back in O-levels. :P

I tag all my blogger friends. Absar, Huda, Qurrat, SAWJ, brok3n, Anas, Bent-e-Hawa, Usha, Ubaid, Haris, Asma, I think AD and DM have already done it. And anyone else who wants to do it. But no, I'm not going to come to your blogs and tell you. :p

(Yes, I know I haven't been blogging anything worthwhile in some time. I'm trying to get back into it. This tag is an attempt to get back)

Hypocrisy

2010-02-15T22:16:00.001+04:00

***

Little things

2010-02-06T23:35:00.003+04:00

I read somewhere once a long time ago. The way you cry, tells about the person you are. I love how you can figure out little things about people, from the most simplest things. And the truest things too. If you're a silent crier, you're a very lonely person. If you cry out loud, you have lots of loved ones.

You can figure out a person's mood from their handwriting at that moment. You can figure out what a person's thinking from their doodles. Spiral circles represent complicated thoughts. Flowers represent romance. Hearts represent you're in love. (That one was very obvious, wasn't it. :p)

You can even tell if a person is right or left handed by looking at their wrists. The way you're dressed, the colour you're wearing can tell your mood at that moment. It's all fascinating, I'd love to learn more about all these things. Plus, it's SO much fun to figure out these things and then see the expression on your friends' faces. :p

The Beginning

2010-02-05T17:11:00.001+04:00

I spent all morning reading old emails, chats, texts and PMs. I knew I'd regret doing that a few hours later. But strangely, I'm glad I did. I read every single word, and this time I read it from outside of me. It didn't make me sad or happy or anything at all. I didn't feel anything.

Time don't mend broken hearts
And this one's getting colder
And as the seasons fall apart
I feel a little older

The only thing I did think was how stupid I was!! And if I had actually lost my mind!! :o

I don't wanna let you go
But in my heart now I know
That it's only the beginning of the end

But then I realized that I really hadn't learnt anything at all. I'm still as stupid. I mean when it comes to friends, it really IS like I shut my brain somewhere. My heart makes all the decisions! I get too involved, too attached to people. But I also realized, so what?! That's the way to love! It's all worth those smiles, those moments that make you feel so good! You know? :)

P.S: Thanks brok3n. Your comment made me want to come back and blog *hugs*

I noticed..

2010-01-14T22:15:00.001+04:00

I noticed I'd fallen in love with you when I started saying your name differently. It was like there was this hesitation, like I was lingering on your name. It was different... and nice.

Let's smoke

2010-01-03T20:53:00.001+04:00

Me: I want to smoke.
F: WHAT?! :o
R: What's going on?
Me: I want to smoke
F: Weren't you the one lecturing us?
Me: I just want to TRY.
F: We'll take you sheesha.
Me: But I want to smoke.
F: You can smoke there. It's K's birthday next week. We'll go sheesha. You both try it it and I'll take a few puffs.
Me: But I want to smoke.
R: You want to sheesha?
Me: NO! I want to smoke.
R: Oh okay, that's no big deal.
Me: So let's do it.
R: Don't you have a cute asthma?
Me: Err, yes, but come on, it's not that bad. One try will not set off an attack.
R: What if it does?
Me: It WON'T. Let's just try it.
F: We'll do it next week.
R: Let's stay back for the 4:30 show.
Me: No man, it'll get late then.
F: Let's stay.
Me: I can't, I really don't want to die yet! I still have to smoke.
R & F: LOL!

:D

10 years ago

2010-01-01T20:24:00.000+04:00

• We moved into this apartment
• We sold our car
• Platform heels were in. And I was obsessed with them.
• I had a short bob cut.
• I had a walkman.
• I used to listen to BSB.
• I actually cried cause I had all of a sudden put on weight. :P
• I saw my nana, nani and dadi all for the last time. :|
• My sis got engaged.
• I had my very first crush.
• I didn't have an e-mail ID.
• I wanted to be a writer, pilot, psychologist and architect all in one. :P
• I had pink glasses. :P
• I met Shaba. :D
• Mom stopped taking her medications.
• I slept on a bunk bed.
• I met my mamoo for the last time too.
• I used to like single blankets, now I don't :P
• 10 years ago was the last time I had an actual 'vacation' in Pakistan.
• We still had family friends here.
• The rent was literally half.
• We could get gum for 25 fils.
• The only English music I listened to was BSB and Britney Spears. :P
• I LOVED Junoon.
• I watched a movie in the cinema for the first time ever. It was 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam'
• Was the first and last time we watched a movie as a family in the cinema.
• Was the first and last time I attended concerts.
• I played Softball for the first time. I LOVE that game.
• 10 years ago, I wanted to be here, and now I want to back there. *sigh*
• If 10 years ago, you had asked me where I would be in 10 years, this is NOT where I'd have told you.
• I weighed EXACTLY the same as I do now. :P
• Me and my brother were pretty close.
• I used to write cheesy poetry on scraps of paper and hide it behind the printer. :P

Things I've never done

2009-12-29T19:03:00.001+04:00

***

There are always things we want to do in life. Everybody has a dream, an aspiration. And usually, as we get older we strike out a few things from our list and add a few more. That's just life.

Have you ever felt like life will run out faster than your list? Have you ever felt like the years left will be few and your list will just keep increasing? Have you ever felt that the measure of the person you are depends on the number of things off your list you end up doing?

Realisation

2009-12-27T15:50:00.002+04:00

There are certain things you don't realise till you do realise, and then there's no way to go back on that realisation.

I had one such realisation before I fell asleep last night, and I'm sure I had a content smile as I drifted off. But now, the realisation just complicates so many things. And I guess I'm just doing the same thing all over again, and no way can I let THAT happen. So if the realisation would just go away everything would be all hunky-dory again.

Things to do in an elevator

2009-11-26T20:16:00.002+04:00

I came across these on a facebook group. Some things to do in an elevator. They're absolutely hilarious!

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15. Swat at flies that don't exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27. Bring a plastic blow up doll and pretend it is your wife/girlfriend and say "Don't yell at me woman!" and throw her into the wall

Sweet kiss

2009-11-20T16:42:00.000+04:00

Just a few days ago, I’d gone to DCC, and there was this cuuuute girl (MashaAllah) of about three. She was having an ice-cream cone and literally had vanilla ice cream all over her face.

While walking, she tugged at her dad’s trousers and he just picked her up and kissed her, getting ice-cream all over his face. And that was just the cutest thing EVER.

You should have seen the look of delight on her face. It made my day.

And I still can’t get over the cuteness of the gesture (Mashaallah MashaAllah), he kissed her not caring about the ice-cream all over her. Aww ♥

One step at a time

2009-11-10T23:41:00.000+04:00

I’ve been MIA I know, and no, I’m not giving up on blogging, neither am I giving up on visiting blogs. Give me some time and I promise I’ll be back at all your blogs like I used to be. Also, give me some time to get back to blogging properly. It seems so long since I’ve been around here, and I miss it.

I shall leave you all with something by Rumi.

Collision

2009-11-08T19:30:00.002+04:00

***

Hurts...

2009-10-31T18:07:00.000+04:00

People usually like me. It’s been that way ever since I was kid. Back in school, my teachers always liked me, even my class-mates mostly liked me. Now, my students like me, my colleagues like me, my HoD likes me. Even the maids at work like me. And somehow that hurts. Right now, it really hurts to be liked by them all.

I sound ungrateful. I even feel ungrateful, but that doesn’t help the pain. It still hurts.

Tring tring

2009-10-25T21:49:00.004+04:00

I love associating ringtones with people. I think a person's ringtone can tell a lot about them. One of my closest friends had this upbeat hip-hope tone (I forget the name now) for a long time, and trust me it was just SO her.

My ringtone, on the other hand has been, Dancing in the moonlight, for the past two years now. I absolutely love the way the song starts. Not that i don't like the whole song in general but the beginning is really good. One thing it definitely tells about me is that I hate change. If I like something I'm hardly ever willing to change it. Yes, that's not too good a thing, I know.

But that's not what this post is about. Tell me about your ringtone right now? And how long does it usually last?

This should be quite interesting.

MacBook

2009-10-23T16:17:00.000+04:00

I got my MacBook about 3 weeks back, and I'm quite in love with it. It's the little things which I can do so easily here that make me really love it.

I've been meaning to blog about it, but somehow just haven't got the chance, or rather just haven't felt like doing it. But you can see my beauty now. :)

In the first week I discovered the stickies application and wow, was I thrilled. I have so many stickies all over my desktop now, just cause it's fun. :p

Oh, and Time Machine. Awesome!

So, in very simple words I'm madly in love with my MacBook. Plus, it's like my first ever laptop. So the joy is doubled. :D

The guy at the store told me I'd enjoy my Mac. And boy, was he right! :D

25 Random things about me

2009-10-19T22:19:00.000+04:00

Okay, I was tagged by Dinky Mind.

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you.

I've done this on FB before, but since most of you are not on my FB, I shall copy paste it here. Well, what do you expect? How many random things can I tell you about me anyways. :p

Here goes nothing:

1. If I’m looking at my reflection in the mirror and someone sees me doing so, I start making funny faces at them through the mirror.
2. I find thunderstorms extremely romantic.
3. If I’m upset I’ll be playing with my hair, smoothing them against my cheek, even smelling them
4. I call my favourite people fatty, even if they are skeletons.
5. I don’t know how to whistle.
6. I sing pretty well, but I can’t dance for the life of me.
7. I cannot keep my hands idle, if I’m on the phone I’ll be playing with the telephone cord, or just playing with my hands, or twirling my hair or doodling.
8. I can doodle just about anywhere, if there’s a pen near me, vandalism is bound to happen, sometimes I even end up doodling on my clothes at easily accessible spots like near my knee and that gets me into serious trouble.
9. I can day dream for hours on end, it’s my favourite pastime.
10. I love reading novels. :)
11. I have conversations with myself, I even have imaginary conversations between me and my friend with myself in which I'm both me and her!
12. When I’m reading a book, especially fiction, I HAVE to finish it, and I’m unaware of anything going on around me at that time. You can probably carry out secret conversations around me and I won’t hear a word!
13. When I’m upset I have an overwhelming urge to go to the corniche and just sit and watch the waves, it actually makes me feel better.
14. If I fall in love with something, there’s no hope for me or the thing, be it the weather, a book, a song, a movie or a person. :p
15. I am not a fan of newness, I like the old and the comfortable.
16. I am a very simple person, don’t like make up and jewelry and all these artificial things.
17. I have really weak eyesight.
18. I do not like eggplant or bitter gourd! You would have to kill me to make me eat them.
19. My friends are my life. :)
20. I love animated movies. :)
21. Writing makes me feel alive. The times I can’t write are just horrible.
22. I love listening to music. Nowadays I’m stuck on ~~Mahi from Raaz 2, and Breakeven by The Script.~~ Mann Chandre and Somebody's me by Enrique.
23. I don’t have a favourite colour, I like all colours.
24. I want to learn horse riding, like really really want to learn horse riding.
25. My favourite ice-cream flavor is strawberry.

I tag everyone on my blogroll, and if you're not on my blogroll and you end up on this post you're tagged too. Leave a link to your posts here, please. :)

Excellence can be attained

2009-10-16T21:25:00.002+04:00

Excellence can be attained if you . . .
* Care more than others think is wise
* Risk more than others think is safe
* Dream more than others think is practical
* Expect more than others think is possible.

Change

2009-10-12T22:24:00.001+04:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about mistakes; and at moments I've wished I could go back in time and change it all. Change my mistakes. But the truth is, I'd do the same mistake again, even if I knew the consequences. I'd STILL do it.

I'm not an impulsive person, I don't make decisions on impulse. I rarely make emotional decisions. The fact is even when I was making the mistake I knew I was making a mistake. I KNEW it, it was conscious, and that makes it much worse than making a mistake on impulse. Right?

Why'd I do it then? Because I never did it for me. It was never for me. And that's why, I'd do it again. I'd do it again because it was never for me. And maybe you don't care, but that doesn't make me care any less. So, I'd still do it for you, for your happiness.

There are moments when I wish I could erase it all. But truly, I'm glad I could give you a part of me, glad that I was the source of just a few smiles, if nothing else. Maybe that makes me a little crazy, but it also makes me, me.

Innocence?!

2009-10-09T00:17:00.002+04:00

This is what happened in class today.

Malak: Misss, Mayed called me a boy.

Me: Mayed and Malak both of you come here, please.

Me: Mayed, did you call her a boy?
Mayed: Yes.
Me: Why did you do that?
Mayed: Because she has hair on her arms.
Me: :o :o
Me: That's how Allah created her, it has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. However we are, we are that way because Allah created us that way. Now say sorry to her.

I was in shock! Complete shock! This girl Malak, she has shortish hair, not boycut but extremely short, I expected him to say something like she has hair like a boy's or something. But not, she has hair on her arms!! :o

The first thought that crossed my mind was, what the hell is he watching to know such things. Don't you think he's a little too young, I mean he's like five years old. :s

A Thousand Lights

2009-10-06T20:45:00.003+04:00

I...

2009-09-30T00:12:00.000+04:00

I have a half completed poem in my drafts, which I don’t feel like completing.
I have so many completed posts which I don’t feel like publishing.
I have so many things to blog but I don’t feel like writing them down.
I have so much to tell you but I can’t make myself say anything.
I have a strong need to spill everything but I can’t do it.
I want to talk it out but I don’t want to talk it out.
I know things but I don’t want to know them.
I see things but I don’t want to see them.
My heart’s breaking but I can’t let it.
I need to sleep but I can’t.
I need to stop thinking but my brain won’t switch off.
I need to think about myself but somehow everyone else always takes preference.
I need to stop dreaming some dreams but they seem to have become a part of me.
I need to accept my life for just this but I always keep hoping for more.
I want it to rain so it can cleanse my soul but it’s not raining any time soon.
I need to have a miracle soon, but I’ve stopped seeing it on the horizon.
I need to start believing again but the belief is dying.
I want to be whole again but I keep losing pieces of me everyday...

Colours

2009-09-27T22:40:00.003+04:00

Since I have nothing to blog about or rather have way too much on my mind to be able to sift through it all and come up with a blog post, I shall bore you with my photographs. Especially now that I have a signature. Be critical of my photography, but please be kind, and do leave a comment.

This is last winter. It was around sunset, a storm on it’s way. It was soo dark, it almost seemed like night, which of course you can see.

Maybe

2009-09-26T22:12:00.001+04:00

Maybe if I don't say it out loud, it will turn out to be just... my mind playing tricks on me

Hope

2009-09-24T23:39:00.004+04:00

Where flowers bloom so does hope. - Lady Bird Johnson

Left and right

2009-09-22T14:41:00.002+04:00

So, Eid is done with. It was quite a whirlwind actually. It came and went so fast, it’s not even funny. The first day of Eid was spent giving and receiving Eid wishes, and then later in the evening we went out. Yesterday, we woke up and went out, and only came home after midnight. I still can’t believe Eid is over. I mean, it was just too quick.

Tomorrow, I have to be at work at 7. Yes, 7! In Ramadan I used to have to be at work at 9! Woah! I’m wondering how I’m going to wake up, plus tomorrow the work ACTUALLY starts. Once it starts I’ll be glad, but right now I’m just a tad bit jittery.

On an unrelated note, I found one of my very first photographs posted here, on another blog recently, and being passed off as their photography. I never put a logo on my photographs because well I’m not really very good at it yet, and most of them are just taken from weird cameras. But now, I’m putting a logo on everything I upload.

Eid is coming

2009-09-19T19:21:00.000+04:00

I was tagged by Asma.

1. What are you wearing for eid? for girls: What color is it?
Shalwar kameez, uh or more like Trouser kameez?! Blue and white, with mirror work.

2. How do you intend to spend chand raat? Whats the usual norm?
Uh, no idea. But usually spent putting mehndi or friends.

3. How do you spend Eid? Go for namaaz or sleep late?
Definitely wake up, go for namaz, then come back have breakfast, sit around. Then later, sometimes sleep for a while.

4. What’s the menu on Eid?
Sheer khurma definitely. The rest don't know, we usually eat out on Eid.

5. Share 5 Eid festivity related pictures of your choice. (you can post ur eid dress, preparations pictures too )

-Eid prayers and Eid hugs

-Sheer khurma, it's the essence of Eid

-Mehndi, Eid is incomplete without it.

-Chooriyan, lots of Chooriyan

-Pretty traditional clothes.

Asma has already tagged everyone, but one person I want to tag is drama queen. You better do it.

Anchor of Life

2009-09-18T19:52:00.000+04:00

Pieces of a puzzle

2009-09-17T21:41:00.002+04:00

Eid is just around the corner, and I feel absolutely nothing. With every passing year this seems to get worse. It’s really been so very long since that excitement for Eid was abound, so long since I got all excited about Eid clothes and putting mehndi. In fact, I don’t even remember the last time I put mehndi for Eid, or went shopping for Eid clothes for that matter. Barring these things, it’s even been so long since I got excited about getting Eidi, or just got excited about Eid in general.

We have no family here in Dubai, so Eid has never been about visiting relatives. But I do remember there was a time, when on the third day of Eid, family friends would come over and it would all be good fun. We kids used to go around wrecking havoc, and the adults used to sit around laughing and joking. But, it’s been so long since that happened. There are no family friends left. It’s been so long, that sometimes I feel like these memories are just a figment of my imagination, and they never really happened.

There was once a time when Eid was about going out with dad and just having fun. I remember back then, the simplest of things held so much pleasure. I remember most times, we used to go to parks for picnics. It was just happy. I was so in love with the love between my parents.

Lately, if I try to recall details of those times, everything just becomes a blur of feelings. The only thing I recall is being happy. I can no longer remember details of what was.

All I have left are pieces, pieces of a puzzle, but the picture is lost, so it’s kind of difficult to piece it all together.

Believe

2009-09-15T20:47:00.002+04:00

Life is not a book of joy, but a book of sorrows. I’m sure we’ve all learnt that lesson somewhere along the path. I’ve learnt it too, pretty early on in life, in fact. Bu I’ve also learnt that there is beauty and good in the world. Life’s beautiful. Oh, it’s full of sadness but it’s still beautiful. It’s full of mean, corrupt people but it still has a lot of goodness in it. It does sound like I’m confused, doesn’t it?

The fact is, all it takes for you to find good in the world is to believe that it exists. If you believe it, you will see it. Even the meanest people have good in them, it’s there, all it takes is a little belief to coax it out.

Good things happen to those who believe in them. Truly they do, just keep believing, and they will come.

I needed this today

2009-09-11T22:11:00.000+04:00

Perspective

2009-09-10T22:25:00.001+04:00

Sometimes, certain incidents can change your entire perspective towards life.
____________________

The people who have lost hope, only get there after a lot of pointless hoping.

Psychiatric illnesses

2009-09-06T18:14:00.001+04:00

Yesterday afternoon, while I was lazing around, certain words on the television caught my attention. Mom was watching Dawn News, and the host of the show was saying, “Psychiatric illnesses are also illnesses like diabetes or heart condition.” A wave of nausea overtook me, as she went on to explain how kids with such illnesses are usually taken to peers who beat them up to keep them quiet and behaving normally. Can you imagine the plight of that child?

She was saying that most people forget that the brain is an organ just like every other organ in our body, and sometimes it needs medication to function properly. Since yesterday every free moment brings my mind back to the plight of those kids. Just imagine what they’re put through!

In all honesty, I don’t think any of us really can understand what they go through. I want to work in an NGO, really really want to. I wonder what sort of qualification you need to work there? I so, very badly, wish I could do something to help those poor kids.

Anonymity

2009-09-04T14:36:00.002+04:00

When I started blogging, a little more than a year ago, I was just a ghost. A ghost with no name or face. Just a ghost who came, spilled her thoughts and left. People came by once in a while, dropped their comments and left. It was a give-take relationship. I dropped by their blogs, they dropped by mine; nothing more, nothing less.

Now, for most of my readers I have a name, even a face. I have a character, a personality. So, naturally there are expectations. Expectations to be upheld. It's no longer as simple as me dropping by their blogs and they by mine. It's become more real, like in friendships. Friends don't follow a give-take. In some friendships you give more, in some you take more. Sometimes you’re there, sometimes you’re not, same with your friends.

I miss that anonymity. It allowed you to post whatever you like, whenever you liked without thinking. Not that I'd give up the friends I've made here for anything. But, at times, anonymity can be such a blessing.

Pause

2009-08-30T21:20:00.000+04:00

Play

Stop.
Fast Forward

Play

Stop.
Rewind

Play

Pause.

Heights of Boredom

2009-08-29T00:11:00.001+04:00

This my friends right here, is the HEIGHTS of boredom. But, who’s complaining? Not me, I might as well enjoy, I get back to work on Sunday.

YOU ARE "HELLO"
You are a somewhat traditional and conservative person. Why mess with what works in life?
You are always polite and appropriate. Upholding social conventions is important to you.

You are calm and levelheaded. Even when someone is rude to you, you can avoid losing your cool.
You are reliable and loyal. You are predictable, but only in the best way. There's never any bad surprises with you.

What Greeting Are You?

Hello, hello, hello!!

YOU ARE A CARAMEL FRAPPUCCINO

Creative and expressive, you tend to match your Frappuccino flavor to your mood. And a flavored syrup is always a must!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Gooood! This is my favorite one!!

YOUR LOVE IS BLUE
When you love someone, you give your heart entirely to them. You believe love is an unconditional, unselfish act.
You don't love half-way. You are "all in" whenever you are in love, and you don't hold back.

You find it easy to fall in love. You accept people as they are, and you even can love someone's flaws.
Because you are so loving and caring, you are incredibly easy to love in return. Your heart is open and ready to be filled.

What color is your love?

Aren't I just too nice!!

YOUR LOVE SIGN IS CANCER

You are a sensitive, romantic soul. You are classically romantic.
When you fall in love, you take it very seriously. You want to be bonded to your soulmate.

You tend to hold on to relationships way past their expiration date. It's hard for you to let go.
You are the most loving of all types. You will go to great lengths to make your partner feel adored.

What is your love sign?

That's cause I AM cancerian, silly people!!

YOU ARE THOUGHTFUL
Your positive traits:

You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on
A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows
You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with

Your negative traits:

Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner
You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult
It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down.

Your ideal partner:

Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply
Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family
Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt!

Your dating style:

Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another.

Your seduction style:

Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship.
Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild.
Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac.

Tips for the future:

Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you.
Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing.
Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first.

Best color to attract mate: Aqua

Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's Your Love Profile?

Oh my! That is really, SO me!!

You try them out and post your results in the comments too!!

Crank Calls

2009-08-28T01:14:00.001+04:00

So, will someone explain to me , what the fun of crank calls is?? I’ve been getting weird calls from this number ever since a week now. For convenience purposes we will assume that this crank caller is a he. (I’m tempted to go for it, but that just feels a little too mean. ) Till now, I haven’t been too annoyed but NOW I’m getting reaalllyyy annoyed.

He either gives a really short miss call kind of call which I can’t answer, or keeps ringing till I answer, and then just keeps the phone. He always waits for me to say hello before keeping the phone. It’s annoying. Sometimes I keep saying helloo, helloooo, hellooooo and then he just keeps the phone. Err, helloooooooo??

And if I ignore the phone call, then he keeps ringing till I get so annoyed that I just answer it. Like why are you calling?? To top it, he always calls at weird times, like when I have finally fallen asleep.

*grumble grumble*

Flashbacks

2009-08-27T23:59:00.002+04:00

***

Barish Aur Hum

2009-08-26T16:42:00.008+04:00

His poetry makes me happy, happy, happy.

English transliteration
Barish thi, hum thay aur ghani ho rahi thi sham
Tum ne liya tha kanptey honton se mera naam

Main ne kaha tha, “Aao yunhi bheegte chalain
In raston mein deir talak ghoomtay rahain

Meri qamar main hath ye phoolon sa daal kar
Kandhay pe mere rakhe raho yunhi apna sir

Haathon ko main kabhi, kabhi baalon ko choom loon
Dekho meri taraf to main aankhon ko choom loon

Pani ke ye jo phool hain rookh par khulay huey
In main dhanak ke rung hain sare ghulay huey

Honton se in ko chuntay rahein khush dili k saath
Tare humain talaash karein, chandni ke saath

Yunhi kisi darakht ke neechay kharain rahein
Barish ke dair baad bhi liptay kharay rahain.”

Tum ne kaha tha, “Aao chalain raat aagaayi
Dil jis se dar raha tha, wohi baat aagayi

Beete samay ki yaad hi raston main reh na jaye
Ye dil kahin wasal ki barish main neh na jaye”

Kuch dair aik chup si rahi darmiyan main
Girhain si jaise parne lagi hon zabaan main

Yak dam gira tha phool koi shakhsar se
Dekha tha tum ne meri taraf iztarar se

Barish main bheegte huey jhonkay hawa ke thay
Who chand beguman se lamhey, halake they

Nasha sa tha aik, charon taraf phailta gaya
Phir us ke baad main ne tumhain kuch nahi kaha

-Amjad Islam Amjad

Dear God

2009-08-26T04:41:00.000+04:00

***

...

2009-08-25T14:20:00.002+04:00

I stand there staring at the horizon, the waves crashing beneath my feet. I see nothing of the beautiful sky or heavenly weather.

All I see is contained within my mind’s eye; broken promises and shattered dreams, and the ocean persists beneath my feet.

Obsessions

2009-08-23T22:47:00.000+04:00

I was tagged and awarded by the very fabulous AD.

The rules for this award:
* List 5 obsessions
* Pass the award to 5 other blogs, with their links
* Make sure you leave a comment on their blog, so they know about it
* Link to the person that gave you the award.

Okay here goes:

1. Music- I cannot resist a good melody. Music makes me lose control.

2. Babies- Cutiessssssss! Whenever I’m outside, my eyes always, always, always just find babies. Such absolute heartbreakers they are.

3. Romance- Be it a poem, a song, a book or a movie, if it’s romantic, I cannot resist it. The Nicholas Sparks kind of romance, or the‘From Here To Eternity’ kind of romance--- awwwee.

4. Ocean- I can sit and stare at the waves forever and ever and ever. I cannot help my fascination.

5. The man in my dreams- Sigh, now he’s an obsession beyond obsessions. If only it was possible to live in dreams.

Nobody I know really likes to be tagged, and those who do are already tagged or have already done it, so I tag no one.

People are funny

2009-08-22T21:32:00.002+04:00

People are funny.

When you’re happy, Oho, why so happy? What’s the good news? Something special, eh? Ab itna bhi khush na ho, log samjhe gein pagal ho gayi ho!

When you’re sad, Why so sad? Be happy, look at the bright side. Think of the good things in life. Laugh. Smile.

When you’re neutral, Look at you, you’re lifeless! You don’t laugh. You don’t cry, Zindagi aise to nahi jee sakte ab.

Like I said, people are funny.

My princess

2009-08-21T14:13:00.003+04:00

I miss waking up with Imaan’s sweet kisses. Such absolutely adorable kisses too. She’d rub her nose against my skin and give flying kisses at the same time. So ticklish.

I miss opening my eyes to her naughty eyes; her face an inch from mine, alight with the cheekiest smile possible.

I miss having her special brand of coffee. She’d come and ask, ‘Kaala jaan, coffee?’. Then she’d patter away to the kitchen and bring an absolutely delicious mug of make-believe coffee. She’d then wait for me to say,’ Yummmmy’. Awww, my little baby, I soooo miss her.

I miss playing Barney for her over and over again. She’d never tire of watching Animal ABCs. And she always wanted to sit on my lap and watch it. She’d say ‘Kaala jaan.. sit.. legs’

I miss how sometimes she’d say ‘Kaala jaan, come!’ and I’d say ‘Wait, Imaan.’ So she’d change and say ‘Saiya come’ It always made me feel like just running to her and hugging her tightly.

I miss hearing her squeal of delight every time I said, ‘Yabba dabba doo’ in her ear. So contagious her delight always was.

It’s like she’s taken a big chunk of my heart with her. I miss, miss, miss her.

Painting dilemma

2009-08-20T23:59:00.001+04:00

I’ve picked up the paintbrushes a million times since yesterday. I want to paint. I’ve tried looking at scenic pictures, flowers, anything to help me paint. But every time I pick up the bushes my hands seem to move on their own. They don’t want to paint, flowers or trees. They just want to paint a face. Every time I close my eyes to clear my head, and think of something else to paint, the face comes back again.

The thing is, I paint flowers, trees, sunsets, not faces. I’ve never made a portrait in my life, and I really don’t think I’d be good at it. I’ve gone as far as making the outline of the face, and I stop. I stop because I’m afraid of what I will end up with. What if I ruin the face completely, make something absolutely distorted? I’m somehow very afraid to take that risk.

Now, the problem is that my mind refuses to paint anything else. Even if I pick up green paint to paint trees, even then after a while, as soon as I get into the groove of painting, my hands start moving to paint the outline of a face.

What am I going to do?

I want to walk

2009-08-19T19:25:00.003+04:00

I want to walk on the road, walk without reading the signs, walk far away from the city. I want to walk till I reach the mountains, or maybe a forest. I want to walk till I can no longer recognize where I am, till I can no longer hear the buzz of people, no longer hear the sounds of the city. No sounds of life, not even the trickle of water. Just Silence.

I want to sit under a tree, and forget about time, people, responsibilities, problems, hunger, thirst. I don’t want to think anything, feel anything. I don’t want anything around to inspire me. I want barren land, no life, no beauty, no sound, nothing.

Nothingness can’t inspire, can’t make you smile, can’t give you hope. Nothingness can’t make you feel the beauty in life. I don’t want to hear the sound of your laughter and feel joy. I don’t want to think about you and feel love.

I don’t want to feel all this and crash again. I’m tired of falling. But no, I’m not depressed. I’m just tired, very tired, life's gone back to being such a chore.

50 first thoughts

2009-08-18T18:25:00.000+04:00

1. Clear your mind. Stop thinking, San. How will these be your first fifty thoughts, if you already have a million thoughts in your head.
2. Woah. A clear head, that feels weird. Oh, it’s filling up again.
3. Where is that white and purple template I found last time. I just can’t find it.
4. Mama, you know bro isn’t even pretending to listen to what you’re saying!
5. Why is such a weird song playing in my headphones, sometimes this shuffle option can be such a pain.
6. Is it raining in Lahore? How awesome it would be to walk in the rain with you *sigh*
7. Ooh, and a warm hug in the rain, and a.. stop San. Now, is not the time for fantasies.
8. But they make me feel so warm and fuzzy and happy, okay okay, I’m stopping, I’m stopping.
9. This is an even weirder song, who downloaded these songs?!
10. I want a baby, but one that is at least as cute as Imaan.
11. Oh, what if I don’t love my baby as much as my niece.
12. That isn’t even possible, you idiot, you’re ALWAYS in love, and with just about everything.
13. And why the hell are you even thinking about babies, you’re not even married yet.
14. I know, I know, don’t worry not like I plan to have a baby without getting married.
15. You Mr. Brain are quite an idiot, you know!
16. I miss hearing her laughter.
17. Hahaha, it was so awesome when sis said Imaan kept asking for me when she woke up.
18. Man, I miss sis too, yesterday I had to really control myself from crying.
19. The house is so silent without her.
20. Should I buy it? I shouldn’t really, but I want to.
21. Ooh, Enrique, finally something worth listening to.
22. Love to see you cry, now why would he love to see her cry.
23. I should drink some water.
24. Maybe I should have given sis my wallet, now I feel guilty.
25. But then, it took me sooo long to find it.
26. And I spent time making it like it is, the Swarovski stones and all, I love it.
27. I should have still given it, I know.
28. But, it has pics in it, yea, I’m just making excuses, I know, but not really, but okay.
29. I’m a horrid person, I should have just given it, it’s just a wallet.
30. Ajeeb log hain, using emotional blackmailing to get me to stay on blogger.
31. Where is that template anyways, I want it, but I can’t remember.
32. Mama is still talking and bro is still not listening.
33. You’ve got to hand it to them, both of them are exactly the same, they just don’t see it, so absolutely stubborn.
34. Why do people drink such hot tea in even hotter weather?
35. Frappuccino, I want a frappuccino.
36. This song starts with blah blah blah blah blah, I surely didn’t download it!
37. I want to watch ‘From Here to eternity’ again. Has anybody besides me even watched it?!
38. Gosh, this super glue is so absolutely toxic! It gives out weird toxic fumes when you use it.
39. Exactly what I need, toxic fumes to get into my lungs!
40. I should back up all the data on my computer, it seems to have lost it’s mind.
41. I need my MacBook soon, which means I shouldn’t buy that dress, it will decrease my savings.
42. Ooh, I wish I get my bonus for not missing a single day at work last year.
43. I’m supposed to, but then, you never know, maybe if I get excited about it, it won’t happen.
44. Okay, I’m not thinking about it anymore.
45. All the CDs need to be sorted again, Imaan’s made them all one big mess.
46. I miss being called ‘funny girl’ by her.
47. 537 days and counting!
48. I miss that half smile of yours.
49. The people at the airport might throw us out!
50. Aww, she left her butterfly here, she loved that thing.

My 50 first thoughts, I’m tempted to go up and censor some thoughts, but I won’t, it should be honest na. I was NOT tagged, but I tagged myself. I probably should not tag anyone, because most people don’t like being tagged, but I feel like tagging. I tag Absar, Cavaliere, AJ, Usha and anyone else who wants to do it.

Jitters

2009-08-18T17:38:00.000+04:00

You shouldn't expect great things from me. Expectations make me jittery, and I'm nearly sure to mess up.

Topsy Turvy

2009-08-17T19:41:00.005+04:00

Okay, first up is a warning, you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me for the next 15 days. Yes, even more than you’ve been seeing me. Why? Sis and Imaan both left today, and I still have vacations till the 30th of August. Yes, I’m jobless.

I can hardly wait for vacations to end now. It’s just been a few hours since they left, they haven’t even arrived in Lahore yet and already I miss them. I spent 69 days with them, when I was hardly expecting to get 30 days. Yet, I feel like it wasn’t enough. Is that being ungrateful? In some ways Lahore is where my whole world is. And yet, funnily, I probably couldn’t recognize a single street there. Ironic, isn’t it?

Also, I’m so absolutely sick of this template, which is funny, because I usually stick with one thing for a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. Now, I could change it, but then I’ve been thinking of shifting to wordpress, they have many more features. I even imported my posts and all, in fact, I've regularly been importing them since nearly six months now. BUT, you can’t get fancy templates there, just a customized header at the most. So, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. What do you people think I should do?

5 tag

2009-08-12T22:01:00.001+04:00

I was tagged by Ubaid

I Rule, You Rule, We Rule
The idea is, to list five items in each category and not necessarily in order of liking. You can always add or subtract categories according to your will. Then tag five lovely people to be the next ones to take this quiz.

Favorite Words:
1. Fatty
2. Unbelievable
3. Show off
4. Absolutely
5. Smarty Pants

Favorite characters (Fiction) :
1. Dumbledore
2. Frederick Totterville
3. Ally Mc Beal
4. Derek Shepherd
5. Jamie Buchman

Words That Must Be Banned :

Uh, I don't know, so I'll just skip this category.

Favorite One Liners :
1. Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties
2. Friends are like pieces of puzzle, if one of them goes away the picture can never be complete.
3. Life is a book of sorrows with just a few chapters of happiness in it.
4. Que sera sera
5. The only things you regret in life, are the risks you didn’t take.

Favorite Books:
1. A Thousand Splendid Suns
2. A Walk to Remember
3. The Kite Runner
4. The Horse Whisperer
5. The Harry Potter Series

I tag Absar, Huda, AD, Closed eyes and Snivelly.

Language error

2009-08-10T01:09:00.003+04:00

I speak Urdu reasonably well, but if you expect me to have long conversations or crack jokes in Urdu, you must be dreaming. So well, imagine me trying to converse with someone who hardly speaks any English. I kept switching to English, and they kept speaking in Urdu. They couldn’t even understand the jokes I was trying to make. It was so maddeningly frustrating.

The thing is, this incident isn’t really supposed to be funny, except that right now I’m getting this comic strip type of image in my head.

Both the parties with thought bubbles saying blah, blah, blah. Neither of them can make much sense of the other, but they both have a weird smile pasted on their face.

Sad and hilarious all at once, just depends on how you look at it.

One Last Breath

2009-08-09T18:53:00.001+04:00

What do you think will happen, if I died? Last night, I seriously thought I was going to die. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of breathing problems, and there was a moment last night, when the air just wouldn’t enter my lungs. This has been happening for a few nights now, but last night was so bad, that I actually started thinking what a cruel way it would be for me to die, nobody would know, they would expect me to wake up in the morning and I just wouldn’t.

In my heart -since I couldn’t really speak- I started asking for forgiveness from Allah, though I never once asked Him to save me, and I’ve been wondering what that means. I just kept asking him for forgiveness, and when I started feeling weak from lack of oxygen, I started reading the Kalma. Then, all of a sudden I felt a whoosh of oxygen entering my lungs, and I was back to feeling alright. All I woke up with was a heavy heart.

All morning I kept wishing my parents would ask me if I was alright, but that’s just silly, cause they don’t even know anything’s wrong. They don’t know that whenever I lie down it gets worse, but still a part of me wished that they’d just know.

A part of me really wishes that I had died last night, then after a moment I feel that would have been so mean of me, to die like that without warning. The saddest fact of life is, had I died, nobody- besides of course my family- would even come to know. My friends would all be too busy with their busy lives and wouldn’t find out at all, till months later. My blog buddies would just think I was too busy so that’s why didn’t update, and life would just go on.

Life always just goes on, doesn’t it? The funny thing is, I see life going on for everyone, but I just can’t see my life going on. Why do I feel like I’d die without my friends, why do I feel on the verge of insanity without them? They say relationships always work best balanced, but I’m a little crazy in such matters, I make friends for life, or I don’t make friends at all.

I hate how people just walk in and out of your life. If you don’t want to stay then you just walk through without stopping to touch any part of my life, do not touch, do not linger, do not entangle even a tiny thread of your life with mine. There are moments when I wish I didn’t feel everything with such intensity, as logical as I can be when I have to solve problems related to money or career and all, when it comes to love and friendship I can become such an insanely emotional person. At moments, I hate that about myself. I guess I’ve stopped making sense, I just feel so insignificant right now, and I’m despising how people just come and go.

See, that’s why I want to put my brain up for auction. It’s like a parade in there, complete with drums and all.

Auction

2009-08-07T20:58:00.000+04:00

My brain is up for auction. It’s a good brain, I tell you, good at solving problems, fast at learning and exceptionally good at solving mathematical problems. But it does have one major problem, it thinks too much. So, any bids?

Embarassing

2009-08-06T03:12:00.002+04:00

So earlier today I was out and well we decided to go into Carrefour to do some shopping. I went to get the shopping trolley and it just wouldn’t budge. The queue behind me kept getting longer, and I kept trying to pull the trolley out. I turned from pink to red to maroon before some guy came and pulled the trolley out. It was sooooooooo embarrassing. Why do such things always happen to me?

At that moment I really wished I could disappear.

For just one day

2009-08-02T23:59:00.004+04:00

For just one day, I want to wake up early in the morning, when the whole world is still sleeping.

I want to drive down to the corniche, sit on the rocks, wait for the sun to rise. I want to watch the beautiful colours paint the sky, I want to watch the sea glitter like diamonds with the sunrise. I want to let the vivid reds and oranges light up my eyes.

I want to let my hair loose, let the tide wash away my worries, let the breeze talk to my hair. I want to sit there barefoot, dip my toes in the slightly cool sea. I want to breathe the salty air, and feel alive.

When my soul is finally satisfied, I want to drive down to Starbucks, grab a caramel cappuccino. I want to sit in the silence and watch people pass me by, hear the click clack of heels on the pavement nearby, hear the brisk footsteps of people hurrying off to work.

I want to walk on the edge of the wall, hands outspread, unafraid. I want to jump and sing and dance and not care what anybody thinks or anybody wants. I want to go sit on the swing in the park. I want to feel the thrill, the pleasure of flying high in the sky.

I want to go to the beach, set up an easel and just paint. Paint the sunset, paint without thinking of how it’s going to turn out. I want to let the colours from within my heart, seep out through the colours in the paint.

I want to walk in the rain, I want to feel the raindrops on my skin. I want to get soaked from head to toe. I want to feel my wet hair clinging to my neck. I want to feel my heart soar with every drop of rain. I want to feel the raindrops on my tongue, my eyes, my cheeks.

I want to watch the stars. I want to lay under the starry sky and name stars after those I love. I want to fall asleep, watching them twinkling in the darkened sky.

For just one day, I want to do whatever I like, with no questions asked.

Overflow

2009-08-01T21:30:00.001+04:00

Is it possible to die due to an overflow of love? The love is spilling out of my heart and intoxicating my blood stream.

Lizard scare

2009-07-29T20:30:00.003+04:00

I somehow associate the fear of lizards and mice to women, maybe that’s being a little biased but I just find it amusing that a guy would be scared of lizards or mice. So, last night we went to pick up some stuff from the nearby market, and imagine my surprise when my bro called about ten minutes later

Bro: (sounding panicked) Where are you?
Me: (confused) uh, what’s the problem?
Bro: There’s a lizard in the house, what am I supposed to do?
Me: (trying not to crack up) Uh, just sit on the couch or something. Dad will be home soon, he’ll deal with it.

ROFLMAO!

Happy 1st Birthday

2009-07-27T17:51:00.000+04:00

So, my blog turns a year old today. My little baby is all grown up, it’s walking, talking and teething all at once. I guess the next year is going to be quite tricky, they say that the one-two year stage is tricky.

Jokes apart, I’m glad I started blogging again, I’m really glad. I made some really nice friends here, some came for a little while and went. And some changed my life, in little ways. I’ve changed in this past year, I’ve learnt a lot from all you people, and that’s what life’s supposed to be about, right- learning and growing. So basically, thank you, very, very much.

I’m feeling excited that my blog is a year old

Nonsense

2009-07-26T18:32:00.003+04:00

So, last night I noticed that the grey line on top of my mobile screen has grown wider. It’s dyinggggggggggggggggggg. My phone is dying. It’s really dying, that’s quite a jolt.

Okay, so who has actually used an iphone or has some sort of experience with it through a friend or family member? I need review. Also, can I transfer my sms messages onto the PC with an iphone I can do it with my current phone, and that’s a VERYY important feature.

On another note, I want to get a haircut, but I also don’t want to be murdered at such a young age. It’s a tough decision- I cut my hair and die or leave my hair as they are and live.

Not alright

2009-07-23T00:31:00.002+04:00

I’m not alright. I don’t feel alright. I haven’t been alright in a long time. But, I seem to be becoming increasingly not alright. And I don’t know how to become alright.

Aakhri khwahish

2009-07-21T18:48:00.005+04:00

I’m thinking if someone held me at gunpoint today, this is what would happen.

Shooter : Marne se pehle, koi aakhri khwahish?
Me (filmy style): Mohabbat ke siwa kuch nahi chahiye mujhe. Just one hug from my jaan. Now let me go and have a hug, then I’ll come back and you can kill me, theek?
Shooter (all teary now): Jao, jao, apni aakhri khwahish poori kar lo.

LOL! Yep, I'm going a little nutty.

On high public demand

2009-07-19T21:39:00.001+04:00

Introducing to you, my jaaaaan, Imaan.

Mushy blog

2009-07-18T21:29:00.005+04:00

Okay, so I have a new blog, Kisses and Raindrops. The template for the blog was designed by Ubaid from Rickety Arts. I'm keeping the blog, invite only at least for the moment. So those of you interested in reading it, leave me your e-mail ID, and if I already have your ID then just let me know that you want to read it.

I should warn all of you though, that it's going to be MUSH, a lot of mush.

EDIT: I'm removing the invite only, it's driving me insane I can't even see my own RSS feed! So, just add it to your blogroll if you're interested!

Cuteness Extreme

2009-07-16T02:59:00.005+04:00

Me: Where’s my hug?
Imaan: No (her eyes screaming I'm naughty )
Me: Please
Imaan: No, no, no, no (cheeky style )
Me (pretending to cry now)
She came to me and oh my gosh, you should have seen her expressions!! It was very difficult to keep pretending to cry . Then she started trying to comfort me by softly stroking my cheek. (Awww ) And she gave me an awesome awesome hug!

She’s my jaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I could give my life for her.

A stitch in time..

2009-07-13T18:27:00.001+04:00

Everything’s falling apart at it’s seams. They say a stitch in time saves nine. But if the thread you use is weak, even ten stitches will not be enough, will it? I want to stop time right here and right now, I’m not ready to face what the future might hold. In fact I’m pretty sure I know what it holds, not something I want to face up to. Life's treacherous.

Life

2009-07-10T23:59:00.000+04:00

Stupidity: ***

Terminally ill

2009-07-08T23:49:00.000+04:00

My phone is terminally ill. It either comes switched off even when it’s on, or if I do get a call, I can’t hear anything. It needs a major operation or it may die on me, or at least go into coma. I love my phone, I don’t want it to die.

It's the first ever thing I bought with my well-earned cash, and well my first ever phone too. The problem is I’m not sure how worth it, it will be to get it operated, what if it still dies on me. *sob*

A year older

2009-07-07T20:51:00.000+04:00

I turned a year older today, not that I feel any older or any different. My day turned awesome as soon as I got some awesome wishes from some awesome people. I didn’t do anything special, didn’t get any special gifts or anything. But it was all sooo special.

• Imaan sang Happy Birthday for me in the cutest most adorable way, oh and how can I forget her adorable flying kisses.
• I got balloons with smiley faces on them.
• I wasn’t allowed to sleep with wishes at 2 in the morning.
• I was woken up at 7 in the morning with some more birthday wishes.
• I had a cuute wish waiting for me when I logged into FB. You made my day very special.

It was a happy happy day, and it’s not over yet. I'm hoping for some more cute little moments, to make this day even cuter.

Home alone

2009-07-06T16:24:00.003+04:00

It’s 6th of July today, and my sis is leaving in another few days. The depression is hitting once again. I’m home alone right now, no one’s here and the house feels so empty, it’s like I’m in a ghost town or something. No sound of laughter, no one to say ‘kaala’ and give me flying kisses every now and then. No one to come and type gibberish on the keyboard-- I feel so alone.

It’s supposed to be a part of life, your sister getting married and moving away, but it feels like losing a part of you. I never cried on her wedding, it wasn’t till the next day when I was flying back to Dubai and saying goodbye to her at the airport that I realised that I was actually losing her. We would be in two different countries, in two different worlds, and it was basically an end to one phase of my life. I’m wondering how many parts of yourself you can lose before there’s nothing left?

This is the first time I saw my niece, she’s an absolute cutie (MashaAllah), but the though of her going away is piercing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I really wish I could live in this moment forever. Keep her like this forever. Maybe the next time around she won’t even know who I am. I’m starting to realise a little bit why we always remain kids for our mothers, no matter how old you get. I feel like that about Imaan, and she’s just my niece.

Ri left today, sis will leave in a few days and so will Imaan. Life just sucks at times!!!

The perfect gift

2009-07-03T17:16:00.002+04:00

So true!! It's the little things always!

'Pyar' tissue

2009-06-28T23:59:00.000+04:00

We ran out of tissue, so we called the Supermarket and he brought us this.

Pyar facial tissue! Come on, give me a break! How lame can you get!

Stolen memory

2009-06-26T17:44:00.000+04:00

You didn’t know I was standing there, you were checking your reflection, running your fingers through your hair, making sure you looked alright. At that moment you made my heart skip a beat, I fell in love with you all over again.

Educated?

2009-06-23T21:55:00.001+04:00

Having a college degree or being in a high position definitely doesn’t make you educated. When people see you or talk to you they don’t know how much you’ve studied or what position you hold in your respective workplace. It’s the way you talk, the way you dress and the way you behave that forms your impression in people’s minds.

The head of my workplace, he’s obviously educated but today he acted in a manner worse than a jaahil. Believe me, it was only the fact that he’s much older than me, that stopped me from saying something horrid, and the fact that if I acted in that manner I would be no different from him.

Some people are just so full of themselves. If I’m working under him doesn’t mean I’m insignificant or that I don’t have rights. Pathetic moron. *grumble grumble* His manner of speaking was just sooo rude. He ruined my whole day, I so don’t want to go to work tomorrow, I don’t want to see his face, but I have to go because they’ll be giving the salary for the summer tomorrow and I will have to see his face as well for that. *grumble grumble*

Well, at least the bright side is after tomorrow I won’t have to see his face for two months. Except that at this moment, that’s seeming like small comfort.

How do I love thee?

2009-06-22T21:12:00.000+04:00

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

-Eizabeth Barrett Browning

Dilemma

2009-06-19T22:40:00.001+04:00

I'm in a bit of a dilemma, I have three things to buy.
1. A laptop (Macbook)
2. A camera (definitely Canon)
3. An mp3 player (iPod Touch)

Now I have 3500 Dhs, so I can either buy an iPod touch and a camera like the one my sis has (Powershot SX 110) or I can buy an SLR, EOS 1000D or EOS 450D and not buy anything else right now. Or, I can buy nothing, and keep saving till I can get myself a Macbook first.

I had decided to buy EOS 1000 D and then a few months later buy an iPod, but now I'm confused. Why? Because the 450D has a DIGIC 4 processor and 1000D has a DIGIC III processor, so it's just going to keep getting older and older right.

According to my sis I should just save till I get a Macbook first. And really not spend so much on getting an SLR but then I'm planning to join these photography courses in September so I think I should go for an SLR. Ugh- now I'm just more confused.

So what do you think I should do? Help! Please.

The story of the pencil

2009-06-17T16:54:00.003+04:00

I was reading Paulo Coelho's book, and this short story just caught my attention, it's beautiful. You need to read it.

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:

‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:

‘I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.

‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’

‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’

‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’

-Paulo Coelho

I miss you

2009-06-16T12:05:00.001+04:00

The last one week has been surreal, I’ve been happy, more than that I’ve been content. Life’s felt fulfilling to an extent.

Yet, I miss you so much, I miss you even when I’m talking to you. I don’t have time to sleep but I still have time to miss you. As clichéd as it sounds, I miss you with every breath I take.

Do you know that feeling when you have a lot, yet you crave for what at that moment you don’t have- feels so ungrateful doesn’t it? Before my sis came here, that was the only thing I wanted, and now, well… Oh, I’m very happy that she’s here- I haven’t felt this at peace in a long time. But there’s this part of me that’s still being an ungrateful brat, and wanting other things.

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.

P.S: Excuse my absence from your blogs, I'll be around soon. Prayers appreciated.

Sisters

2009-06-12T15:41:00.005+04:00

My sister is here since the last few days, and life seems to have just changed. It’s been nearly two years since I last saw her, but all of a sudden we’re back to doing everything just like we used to do it before. Nothing seems to have changed at all. We’ve been talking non-stop about everything possible to talk. It’s just the third day today and mom’s already fed up of us.
That’s what love is all about. No matter how far you go nothing ever changes. That’s the most comforting thought in the world. No wonder people do such stupid things for love. And by love I don’t mean just love in the romantic sense.

Wedding culture

2009-06-05T14:46:00.003+04:00

Nowadays going to work is like going to party, there’s very little work to be done and it’s a very relaxed atmosphere. You can hear the sound of music from different areas with lots of laughter and chit chatting. Yesterday we were just sitting and talking and the topic of weddings came up. Now, I’m from Lahore and according to my colleagues the Punjabis have their own culture for weddings. Uh, I don’t know anything about it. In my family weddings are pretty simple (by theory of relativity).

We have a ‘baraat’ when the guy’s family comes to the girl’s family. Then there is the ‘nikah’. Then people eat, and then the bride goes to her husband’s house in a decorated car. Then a day or two later there is the ‘valima’ and that’s it. Yes, sometimes we have a 'mehndi' before the baraat, in which we put mehndi on the girl’s hand and sing songs.

Now, the colleague I was talking to, she is from Balochistan and gosh, they actually put up a red curtain for the bride, in which the to-be bride is supposed to sit. Curtain is put up in the corner of the room creating a triangle, and she’s supposed to stay there till the wedding for about a week or two. No man is allowed to see her at that time, not even her father or brothers. She’s not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. And after the wedding she’s supposed to come back with her husband and stay there behind the curtain one night. The next day she’s allowed to go to her husband’s place.

Tell me about your area or country’s different wedding cultures, this should be interesting.